Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
