Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
