i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
