After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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