You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
