Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
