I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
