He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
