This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
