There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just tell him i said nine months
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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