it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
