Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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