he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
