He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
