If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
