I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
