hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
