I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
