I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
