your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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