o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
