On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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