the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
