Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
