I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
