I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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