I would go down on you faster than GM stock
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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