He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
