chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
