I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
