I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I need help removing her.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
