I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
