Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Operation Purity has been aborted
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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