I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
