i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
last night I used snow as a chaser
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
