she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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