i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
