GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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