I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
