Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
