dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
