I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
