i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Bring me that man meat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
