yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize