Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
