Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
