Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it because I queefed?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize