Buhtt sex?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
