just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
