My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
