Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
