I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
