the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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