Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he shaved USA in his pubs
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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