writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
