I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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