You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
