did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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