"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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