I skipped work to stalk him.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Couch. On fire.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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