A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
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