Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
