so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
