yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
