he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Randomize
