never play flip cup with pint glasses
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize