Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
