I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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